A Tribute to Joan Rivers

By Austin B. Hahn

I finished reading Joan River’s last book, Diary of a Mad Diva, and there’s no better word to sum it up: hilarious. River’s wit and humor is brilliant! I was disappointed after hearing about her death. I would have liked to have seen her perform. I wanted to pay tribute to this comedy legend a few months back by performing stand-up comedy, but due to personal matters that I will leave undisclosed, I was unable to perform.

The book is formatted as a diary, so I decided to write daily journal entries as a tribute.

Go out and buy a copy today!!! If you don’t laugh, you’re either Elisabeth Hasselbeck or you’re dead.

January 3rd, 2015

Dear Journal:

Just read an article titled “Fourth death linked to potentially fatal ‘Superman’ ecstasy batch.” The pill has Superman’s S symbol imprinted on it which shows that the inventors of this drug were stupid enough to think that it would give people superpowers. Did they expect that people would be able to lift cars and fly after taking it? It’s already bad enough that we have Red Bull claiming that it will give you wings. Advertising has gotten so pathetic. Look at the commercials for Carl’s Jr., weight loss pills, dieting, etc. I’m so tired of watching those ads that try to convince you to buy a new exercise DVD that you’ll never use. If God wanted me to bend over, he would put a sexy man behind me. End of story. (I know. I’m a kinky bitch.) I wonder if Whitney Houston ever knew about this drug? Oh well. It’ll remain a mystery. I’m sure she’s smoking those rocks in heaven with Amy Winehouse, anyway.


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