February 19th, 2015

By Austin B. Hahn

Dear Journal:

I hate being tired. No one wants to fuck me when I look like Frankenstein. I’m also wearing glasses since I can’t put in contacts when I’m tired, so this just makes me all the more unfuckable. Seriously! Who wants to bang someone in glasses??? No one ever said, “Hey look it’s Mr. Four Eyes. I’m going to go stick my hand in his pocket. Do you think he’s got a library card?”

Today is just not my day.

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