January 4th, 2015

By Austin B. Hahn

Dear Journal:

I am tired. I couldn’t sleep last night, and I start school again tomorrow. My mother asked me if I was excited about going back, and I said “no.” College, especially community college, is such a fucking colossal waste of time. I just want to tell the administrators at my community college the same thing that Tom Cruise told Katie Holmes after five minutes in bed with her on their wedding night: I’m done. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful that the first two years of my education have been more affordable than Lindsay Lohan’s rehab expenses, but I am sick of “learning” things that aren’t related to my career or that won’t help me in life. How is mathematics going to find me a rich, old sugar daddy I can marry who will put me in his will before he dies next Tuesday?

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