When Will We Care?

By Austin B. Hahn

I live in a country where talking about sex is more taboo than saying to someone, “I hate you.”

I live in a country where people pay more attention to Beyoncé than to their own government.

I live in a country where at-will employment is the norm, but its own people complain about corporate corruption.

I live in a country whose constitution affirms that “all men are created equal,” but I can still get fired in 29 states just for being gay (Short).

I live in a country where political correctness receives praise, but doing community service is assumed to be a court-mandated punishment.

I live in a country whose elected officials can get away with lying while holding a public office, but an ordinary citizen can go to jail for lying on a resume (Kreps).

I live in a country where people are more concerned about their bullshit moralism than women’s reproductive rights being taken away.

I live in a country whose people are obsessed with demographics, but they don’t seem to care about anyone’s motivations.

I live in a country where I constantly wonder when people will actually give a shit.

How many more will have to die or suffer before we start to care?

Sources

Kreps, Lauren. “The Legal Risks of Lying on Your Resume.” Shake. Shake. 25 Jun. 2015. Web. 17 May 2016. <http://www.lrc.ky.gov/statutes/statute.aspx?id=18882>

Short, Kevin. “The 29 States Where You Can Still Be Fired For Being Gay.”Huffington Post. Huffington Post. 30 Oct. 2014. Web. 17 May 2016.

#MySeniorCitizenGoals

By Austin B. Hahn

I’ve decided that when I retire, I want to be a phone sex operator. How great would that be? Just imagine all the conversations you could have with a seventy-five-year-old man on the other line.

*The phone rings.

27-year-old guy who can’t get laid: Hey there … how’s a goin’?

Me: Pretty good. Me teeth just fell out of my mouth.

*Hangs up.

*The phone rings again.

30-year-old Virgin Mary calls.

Excuse me … what’s the best part about sex when you get older?

Me: No teeth. Well … at least that’s what my husband tells me.

*Hangs up.

*The phone rings once more.

38-year-old nymphomaniac: Hey stud … what’s getting you hot?

Me: Well, for starters  …  the tightness of my pantyhose is definitely giving me a heat rash!

*Hangs up.

Me: Okay. That’s all for today. Time to take a nap.