#MySeniorCitizenGoals

By Austin B. Hahn

I’ve decided that when I retire, I want to be a phone sex operator. How great would that be? Just imagine all the conversations you could have with a seventy-five-year-old man on the other line.

*The phone rings.

27-year-old guy who can’t get laid: Hey there … how’s a goin’?

Me: Pretty good. Me teeth just fell out of my mouth.

*Hangs up.

*The phone rings again.

30-year-old Virgin Mary calls.

Excuse me … what’s the best part about sex when you get older?

Me: No teeth. Well … at least that’s what my husband tells me.

*Hangs up.

*The phone rings once more.

38-year-old nymphomaniac: Hey stud … what’s getting you hot?

Me: Well, for starters  …  the tightness of my pantyhose is definitely giving me a heat rash!

*Hangs up.

Me: Okay. That’s all for today. Time to take a nap.