Reminder to Self

By Austin B. Hahn

If someone is gossiping behind your back, don’t worry about it. A lie is like cotton candy; it tastes good for three seconds and then it’s gone, but the truth sticks like gum. In time, regardless of what anyone has said, people will realize the truth about you.


Ignore People Who Criticize You

By Austin B. Hahn

If there is anything I wish I could tell my eighteen-year-old self, it would be, “Don’t listen to people who criticize you.” Nothing will ever be good enough for them. You’ll only find yourself paying more attention to micromanaging every little action in your daily life to appease them instead of just living your life with people who already appreciate the person you are.


By Austin B. Hahn

You never accomplished much of anything

Your lack of achievements are the result of you boasting about your so-called “glory” days of yesteryear

Daddy didn’t love you enough

Mommy didn’t appraise you enough

You were too dumb to be appreciative of what you did have anyway

You have a reputation for being as bitter as the apple cider you drank when you were prom queen

The stench of your nasty personality can be smelled further away than that football you threw at the championship game

Now you’re stuck making forty thousand dollars a year trying to support your children who you can’t stand because they robbed you of the life that you wanted to live

Meanwhile, you glare at the the TV screen, sitting on your ass as you eat, continuing to get fatter

You chug along through the daily grind, but you don’t care to experience much life outside of your mundane routine

As soon as you hear about someone else’s success, you’re quick to attribute it to an unscrupulous act

You would rather bring someone down than celebrate them

Don’t come shitting on my parade

Just because my life is well now, doesn’t mean it’s been a fairy tale

Even then, suffering is not a prerequisite for permission to live a good life

Because of bitches like you, I have to be vigilant

Like a parent watching their kid, I have to watch over my success to make sure that you don’t sabotage it

You’ve exhausted the time of your life by trying to take away the years of others

Funny how you look back, and you realize you’ve left nothing behind

No mark of yours to leave on the world

All you’ll ever be is forgotten

Tell No One


Commentary By Austin B. Hahn

If you are reading this, I want you to know this is true. I’m not saying this to embitter you; I’m telling you this because I care. Some people can be jealous assholes, and others are just afraid of experiencing life, so they’ll think you should be too and try to keep you in a bubble. I’ve had one plan sabotaged right after the other because I told somebody about it. Don’t let that be you. Learn from my experience. People don’t need to know everything about your life.

What is up with People’s Bullshit?

By Austin B. Hahn

Fretting over the minutiae of life isn’t going to make your existence any easier. Being pissed over that parking space that someone took five seconds sooner than you isn’t going to make your life any harder. Complaining about your children won’t make them grow up faster, and releasing expectations won’t make them grow up any slower. Maybe you’ve been temporarily inconvenienced, but you’ll live.

Thinking that your words will change me, out of everything I will hear in a world with more than seven billion people, is about as foolish as a grain of sand anticipating that I will notice it. Maybe you’re too damn busy being ineffective in the world. You can shoot down a positive comment someone made about another, but if a homeless person were to ask you for that box of takeout that you’re just going to leave in your fridge until it’s stale, you’d make a scowl and tell them to fuck off.

When you’re in a room with people of a different culture or race, you’re the first person to point out that you’re the minority. Are you that much of an insecure bigot that you need to be surrounded by others who are exactly like you in order to feel that your existence has been validated? Life must be painful for you.

I’m really not that sorry to hear that your life is “difficult.” You’re upset by minor errors such as the curtains that you ordered turning out fuchsia instead of orange. You spend copious amounts of energy and time giving your opinions about others like they’re going out of style. You’re bothered by human variation, and when everything in your life is going right, you still find something to bitch about because nothing will ever be enough for you.

Instead of being irritated when the wind blows in your face, smile. Think of this as Mother Nature’s comical way of saying you need to get laid, so she figured she’d “blow” you. 😅