Krishnamurti_violating_TheAllOne

Commentary by Austin B. Hahn

While I do believe that human variation such as culture, ethnicity, gender, nationality, race, religion, sexual orientation, and other attributes help us to identify one from another, (imagine trying to file your taxes, but there was no way to verify your identity), I do agree that when we use them to segregate ourselves, they become weapons.

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When Will We Care?

By Austin B. Hahn

I live in a country where talking about sex is more taboo than saying to someone, “I hate you.”

I live in a country where people pay more attention to Beyoncé than to their own government.

I live in a country where at-will employment is the norm, but its own people complain about corporate corruption.

I live in a country whose constitution affirms that “all men are created equal,” but I can still get fired in 29 states just for being gay (Short).

I live in a country where political correctness receives praise, but doing community service is assumed to be a court-mandated punishment.

I live in a country whose elected officials can get away with lying while holding a public office, but an ordinary citizen can go to jail for lying on a resume (Kreps).

I live in a country where people are more concerned about their bullshit moralism than women’s reproductive rights being taken away.

I live in a country whose people are obsessed with demographics, but they don’t seem to care about anyone’s motivations.

I live in a country where I constantly wonder when people will actually give a shit.

How many more will have to die or suffer before we start to care?

Sources

Kreps, Lauren. “The Legal Risks of Lying on Your Resume.” Shake. Shake. 25 Jun. 2015. Web. 17 May 2016. <http://www.lrc.ky.gov/statutes/statute.aspx?id=18882>

Short, Kevin. “The 29 States Where You Can Still Be Fired For Being Gay.”Huffington Post. Huffington Post. 30 Oct. 2014. Web. 17 May 2016.

Tips for Gay Men

By Austin B. Hahn

Dating and hooking up online in the gay world can be … well, scary, (especially when you meet a guy in person, and then he tells you that his profile picture was taken back in 2005.) I’ve had some frightening experiences as a gay man myself, and, over the years, here’s what I have learned about the dos and don’ts when meeting a guy for the first time whether it’s date night or just a fling:

Dos

  • Get to know him. That’s right. Take your time to get to know him before jumping in his pants, or else you might just get to know his crabs instead.
  • If you hook up at his place, leave your wallet in your pocket. Keep your wallet in your coat or pant pocket, and don’t make it accessible by leaving it out on a coffee table or a night stand. He could steal from you when you’re using his shower after hooking up or leaving the bedroom to go get a glass of water. Be vigilant.
  • Meet over coffee before hooking up or spending $$$ on a date.This saves you from getting into an uncomfortable situation in case you’re disappointed that his physical appearance doesn’t match his picture(s) online (or Grindr.) I cannot begin to tell you how many bitches are friends with Photo Shop. She must have more gay friends than Elizabeth Taylor and Judy Garland had combined!
  • Tell a friend where you’re going. Make sure you get a face picture and the address where you’re meeting him, and text them to a friend. If he ends up being a total psycho, and you go missing, you can be sure that his picture will be popular with the police, and if he’s really lucky … it will land up on the six o’clock news. *If he does not look like his online picture at all, GET OUT OF THERE!
  • When the time comes, talk to him about sex. Find out what his stance is on safe sex. You would be surprised to learn how many gay men don’t discuss this, and then when they get to the bedroom, one ends up wanting to bareback, and the other wants to use protection.

Dont’s

  • Depend on him for condoms and lube. You do not want to be the victim of stealthing. Stealthing occurs when someone uses deceptive methods to engage in unsafe sex without the other party’s knowledge. This can be done numerous ways: poking a hole in the condom with a pin, switching a condom out in the middle of sex for one with a cut off tip, or tempering with a condom by exposing it to extreme temperatures so it breaks down during anal intercourse. Bring your own condoms and lube to ensure your safety.
  • Engage in unprotected sex with someone you don’t know. Some guys lie about their sexual health. They don’t care about you; they just want to get off. Other times, someone who may have been recently infected with an STI or an STD may not even know it. Better to be safe than sorry.
  • Rely on him for transportation. Make sure that you have someone who can pick you up or that public transportation is still operating afteryour date or hookup is over. If he throws you out of his place or the date doesn’t go well, you won’t be stranded out in the middle of nowhere or walking for hours to get home.
  • Send him nudes. Unless you’re confident that you’ll never see him again, or he can’t ruin your career, don’t send him naked photos of yourself that he can use later to blackmail you.
  • Turn your face away from him during sex. If you’re not too familiar with the guy, stay in a position where you two can face each other. This way, you’re able to see what he’s doing, and he’ll be less likely to have a chance to take the condom off without you noticing.

#All Lives Matter is Bullshit

By Austin B. Hahn

I find people funny who say, “All lives matter,” because they’re usually the same people who don’t do anything to help marginalized groups such as the disabled, the elderly, the exploited, the LGBT community, the poor, racial minorities, those who face pollution, or women. I’m sorry, but since when the fuck have you ever cared about all lives?

Don’t get me wrong. It would be one thing if you said, “All lives matter,” and you had a history of helping underprivileged people, but you don’t, so you should shut the fuck up.

July 18th, 2015

By Austin B. Hahn

Dear Journal:

Fuck the gym! I decided to skip it and have sweets for dinner. Marie Antoinette once said, “Let them eat cake,” so I did. Besides, why am I staying in shape . . . so I can get good dick? Ha! I’m afraid that’s about as scarce as a good politician in this country. I’m so fuckin’ tired of looking good and some tired-ass-old bozo messages me on Grindr. Sometimes I don’t understand men. They want a hot piece of ass, but some of them don’t even have a good dick, so they try to compensate for it by driving a big truck.

The ones who really piss me off are the hypocrites. They’re the ones who want someone good-looking, but they themselves look like shit. When some guys message me, I just want to reply, “Have you ever thought about asking yourself this: would you fuck you? If the answer is no, then please do not send me a message, or come back to me after you’ve been consistently going to the gym three to four times a week for about a month and a half.”

This one goes to any woman who is reading this right now: raise your sexpectations! Do not let Tubby McTubbertin be your bare minimum standard of what a man should look like to you. Men are not supposed to have phantom babies. Ladies, you shave your legs, wear makeup, wax your pussies, and you don’t complain. The least he can do is go to the fuckin’ gym, and if he has money, then he can afford to fix himself up.

Anyway, I’m not done complaining.

I was recently at a wedding, which was awful to say the least. No one there was polite enough to ask, “Hey, Austin, so tell me your story about how you fingered someone in a taxi cab?” so, while I was there, I never once said, “Gee, thank you for asking.” My conversations didn’t expand beyond the dull question, “How are you?” which I can’t stand, along with several other phrases:

“I’m (nationality). I have a hot temper.”

Why do some people use their ancestry or nationality as an excuse to justify their bitchy behavior? “Oh I’m Irish,” or, “I’m Italian,” or, “I’m Cuban, and when the Cuban gets angry . . .” Hey guess what? I’m a human being, and I don’t give a fuck.

“Bless you.”

How come some people can say to a complete stranger, “Bless you,” but they can’t stick up for someone they don’t know who’s being physically attacked? This colloquialism exposes how insincere the English language is. Bless me? For what? Because I sneezed? It doesn’t make sense. In Spanish they say, “salud,” which, directly translated, means “health.” That makes sense. You’re sneezing. Maybe you have a cold. Maybe you’re falling ill. Who knows? The point is it makes more sense. I’m amazed that people can tell me, “Bless you,” for doing something as frivolous as sneezing, but when I volunteer at a foodbank, I’ll be lucky if anyone even says, “Bye and thanks for your time.”

“Sorry.”

This word has probably been used more than condoms. “Sorry” has become a social norm to use in everyday conversation in U.S. American culture, but no one means it! “Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Bitch, what are you sorry for? There’s even a game called “Sorry!” It’s ridiculous. People in the United States apologize for slamming the door, interrupting someone during a phone conversation, farting in public, belching at the dinner table, and the list goes on. The proper response, in these contexts, would be, “Excuse me.” On the contrary, if they were to get into a dispute with someone, the majority of them would be reluctant to apologize and say, “I was wrong,” because their egos are more important to them. This commonly, overused word also shows how superficial the English language is.

“Live every day as if it were your last.”

I cannot begin to recall how many divorced bitches I have seen who have an expression, such as this one, hanging up on a wall somewhere in their home. I can find the same quote on multiple Facebook and Instagram pages, “Live, Laugh, Love”, for instance, which I find funny because it’s usually posted by people who don’t do any of those things in actual life. What’s more, if everyone were to live each day as if it were their last, the world would be crazy. Would you want to see me twerking my fat ass on top of a table at McDonald’s or getting fucked by a sexy mailman in public? Don’t you tell me you would! Unless you’re a voyeuristic whore, you wouldn’t like to see what I do on casual Friday.

“Have a good one.”

What am I supposed to have that’s good??? A blowjob? A drink? A vacation? Be more specific. If you want to wish me a good day, a nice weekend, or a wonderful vacation, then say so.

“I’m good.”

When I ask someone, “How are you?” I want to know how that person is feeling. Being vague by saying, “I’m good,” tells me absolutely nothing. What is “good” to you? For some, “good” means they’re feeling happy while for others it means they’re as high as the Eiffel Tower. I understand there are certain social situations that require discretion, but if I’m asking how you’re doing, it’s because you’re a friend or a family member, and I care. I don’t ask people I don’t know how they’re feeling, which brings me to my final thoughts . . .

I’m not a car salesman or a pretentious asshole . . . well, at least I try not to be. Since I’m not getting paid to kiss anyone’s ass, I’m not going to pretend to be interested in somebody for the sake of small talk. I’m a passionate person, and I don’t appreciate false statements of well-being. With the exception of detached professionalism and avoiding disclosure in the business world, don’t come to me with your bullshit asking, “How are you?” when you don’t care. It’s annoying, and people rarely like to feel as if they’re talking to a robot. Connect with people by asking something genuine instead, and open yourself up.

We only scratch the surface in artificial conversations. When we share ourselves and we’re receptive to others through listening using non-judgmental body language, we create opportunities to form relationships with people we might’ve been looking for our whole lives. You could be talking with the love of your life, your best friend, your business partner who helps launch your career, or you might learn something from someone you wished you would’ve learned years ago. Take risks in communication. Approach someone with more depth than just, “Hi. How are you?” and you will discover how the power of your everyday communication affects your life.

Hooray for Love!

By Austin B. Hahn

(Originally written on 6/26/15.)

Dahlings!!! I have to write about this historic moment.

I am so happy that gay marriage has finally been legalized nationwide. Now I can be a gold digger.

No bitches.

Relax.

I’m kidding.

Hahahaha … yeah I think I’m pretty funny. Anyway–

I just wanted to say that I am so happy that, from now on, no child in the United States of America will ever grow up thinking that the validity of their love for another human being will be questioned. I am grateful to be alive during this remarkable period of ongoing social change in the world. What a treat. Here’s to transformation!