When Will We Care?

By Austin B. Hahn

I live in a country where talking about sex is more taboo than saying to someone, “I hate you.”

I live in a country where people pay more attention to Beyoncé than to their own government.

I live in a country where at-will employment is the norm, but its own people complain about corporate corruption.

I live in a country whose constitution affirms that “all men are created equal,” but I can still get fired in 29 states just for being gay (Short).

I live in a country where political correctness receives praise, but doing community service is assumed to be a court-mandated punishment.

I live in a country whose elected officials can get away with lying while holding a public office, but an ordinary citizen can go to jail for lying on a resume (Kreps).

I live in a country where people are more concerned about their bullshit moralism than women’s reproductive rights being taken away.

I live in a country whose people are obsessed with demographics, but they don’t seem to care about anyone’s motivations.

I live in a country where I constantly wonder when people will actually give a shit.

How many more will have to die or suffer before we start to care?


Kreps, Lauren. “The Legal Risks of Lying on Your Resume.” Shake. Shake. 25 Jun. 2015. Web. 17 May 2016. <http://www.lrc.ky.gov/statutes/statute.aspx?id=18882>

Short, Kevin. “The 29 States Where You Can Still Be Fired For Being Gay.”Huffington Post. Huffington Post. 30 Oct. 2014. Web. 17 May 2016.


By Austin B. Hahn

I’ve decided that when I retire, I want to be a phone sex operator. How great would that be? Just imagine all the conversations you could have with a seventy-five-year-old man on the other line.

*The phone rings.

27-year-old guy who can’t get laid: Hey there … how’s a goin’?

Me: Pretty good. Me teeth just fell out of my mouth.

*Hangs up.

*The phone rings again.

30-year-old Virgin Mary calls.

Excuse me … what’s the best part about sex when you get older?

Me: No teeth. Well … at least that’s what my husband tells me.

*Hangs up.

*The phone rings once more.

38-year-old nymphomaniac: Hey stud … what’s getting you hot?

Me: Well, for starters  …  the tightness of my pantyhose is definitely giving me a heat rash!

*Hangs up.

Me: Okay. That’s all for today. Time to take a nap.

Promotion for Miss Janet Jackson


By Austin B. Hahn

As many of you know, I hope, Janet Jackson is back! I am loving her new material. The album is solid work. Every track I listen to sounds fresh. Each song encompasses Jackson’s sonically innovative style. If, if, if, if, IF you have not heard her new album, Unbreakable, then you need to give it a listen, okay huntey!? It’s been out for a month, and it’s only available everywhere.

My favorite songs are:

  • Unbreakable
  • Burnitup!
  • The Great Forever
  • Night
  • Gon’ B Alright
  • No Sleeep

Excuse me, Ms. Jackson, I am waiting for a music video for “Burnitup!” That song is a club banger. People are gonna be jammin’! The song has potential to be in the top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100, but you need a video to get it off the ground. I also love “Night.” “Love is taking over / Like a tidal wave / Our universe is aligned / Feeling the love tonight.” Who can resist such infectious lyrics? Janet fans, I recommend listening to this one first; it shows off her mellifluous voice. “Unbreakable” exudes charm, frivolity, and relishes in the unbreakable bond between her fans (pun intended.)

“The Great Forever” is a mid-tempo that reminds us to pay attention to our life and not to focus on others’ opinions of us. “Gon’ B Alright” is a fabulous throwback to the 70s. In my opinion, it’s reminiscent of the Jackson 5. “No Sleeep” has a soft, sensual groove with a thumpin’ beat in the background. If you don’t buy the album, at least download “No Sleeep.” You will not be disappointed. Believe me, honey. I had sex to this song, and it will definitely put you and your man in the mood.

Gurl, if that song doesn’t get him goin’, just play “Rope Burn” from Velvet Rope back in ‘97, put a blindfold over him, turn him over, and handcuff him to the bed frame. That’ll get things started. Oh . . . and be sure to slap his ass. 😉

Keep burnin’ it up, Janet Jackson!

An Insatiable Desire

By Austin B. Hahn

I trace the line of your back with my tongue

The electrifying energy shoots through the tips of your fingers

I take my hands to spread the buns of delight

Clenching your fists as you let out a sigh of exhilaration

I taste the sweet nectar from your warm passion

Deeper and deeper with each breath

I feel the heat of your body burning like an ember from a fire

Losing myself as the walls cave in

I am forever lost in you as my eternal desire